grace.

In October, I did something I have been wanting to do for a few years now and got a second tattoo (much to the dismay of my family)!  It’s the word grace on the inside of my left wrist.

The idea first started when my pastor started a year long series on the book of Philippians with a teaching on the phrase “grace and peace” which is in the first couple verses of all of Paul’s New Testament letters (1 and 2 Corinthians, Ephesians, etc.).  It stuck with my something fierce, particularly the idea of grace.

Before long, I was doodling the idea on myself with a Sharpie.  The vision was the same from the beginning.  I was – and am – deeply grateful for God’s grace, that I am loved despite my flaws and however many times I screw up.  So, first and foremost, the meaning behind my tattoo represents my faith.  I love having a constant reminder of that, something I see every day.

The more I thought about the idea of grace, the more it began to extend beyond my faith.  For well over a year, I’ve had a sticky note with “grace and peace” stuck to the dashboard of my car.  A picture of that note is the wallpaper on the home screen of my phone.  It’s in the signature of my emails.  I am reminded of it on a daily basis.  Soon, I began to think of grace not just in terms of my faith, but in extending grace to others.

What I’m really realizing now is that I need to not only remember God’s grace and to show grace to people in my life, but to show grace to myself.  I am perpetually hard on myself and I have been for as long as I can remember.  Always the perfectionist, I would cry over a getting anything less than an A in school.  If I gain a couple pounds or don’t have a great week of exercise or eating, I dwell on it and beat myself up for it.  I overanalyze and criticize.

Sure, there’s a time and a place to strive to be a better person, but when you don’t allow yourself room to stumble, to struggle, to fall, then you’re not being realistic.  I’m learning to give myself the grace to fail, but pick myself up, learn from my mistakes, and move on.

I’m learning to give myself the grace to not have it all together.  I don’t have all the answers and that’s okay.  There are going to be weeks I skip the gym or I eat indulgently more often than I should.  There are going to be days when I screw something up at work.  There are going to be times things aren’t going to end up just the way I want them, and that’s okay.

I’m learning that accepting God’s grace means extending that grace to myself.