Chicago Marathon: End of the Road

by Mindy @ Just A One Girl Revolution on September 25, 2017

in Chicago Marathon 2017

I haven’t written a post about marathon training in in two months. I’ve been very quiet about in on Instagram. In my day-to-day, I hardly talk about the marathon or really even running. It’s all for a decision I had an extraordinarily hard time coming to terms with.

I’m not running the 2017 Chicago Marathon.

When I was doing my weekly training recaps, it was evident that training wasn’t going well. At least, I didn’t think it was going well and I’m my own worst critic. I felt frustrated that my paces were, on average, much slower than I know what I’m capable of. At the very least, what I know I could do a couple years ago. With that, I continuously felt defeated despite knowing that what I was doing was still something to be proud of. I wasn’t fast, but I was out there and I was trying. That’s more than I could say about myself ten years ago. But, it didn’t feel like enough. Again, I’m my own worst critic.

On a deeper level, I know that trying to work through my grief was part of the problem. Of course I wasn’t improving because my heart just wasn’t in it. The three mile runs, and even four miles, had their cathartic power. Running isn’t therapy, but it is therapeutic. There’s no doubt in my mind about that. But, as I looked ahead to the training runs in the double digits, I felt exhausted simply thinking about it. Even the thought of six and seven miles felt like my Everest. So, I simply stopped running consistently. I still got some runs in here and there, but certainly nothing that would have me ready to run 26.2 miles on October 8.

For awhile, I toyed with the idea of still going down and trying. I’ve taken a DNF before and had no concerns about doing that again if need be. I felt like I needed to try for myself and to honor my grandma’s memory. And, admittedly, registration wasn’t cheap and I hated the idea of essentially throwing that money away. Over time, the thought of even toeing the start line felt as exhausting and overwhelming as a six mile training run.

The whole time, I knew what I needed to do. It just took awhile for my head and my heart to align, and to admit to myself what the right decision was. It really felt like one of those decisions that no matter what I did, I would wonder if I did the right thing. But, a couple weeks ago, I officially deferred my entry to 2018. In truth, I don’t know if I even want to run it next year, but I don’t have to decide that today. As much as I know I made the right decision for this year, there’s still that twinge in my heart that wonders.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

katie September 25, 2017 at 9:56 pm

Love to you my dear. I think defer is smart choice. See what happens. I am running a 10 mile on sunday…and i haven’t run in a month. And I think it will be the final decision of if I’m a 10k runner or a marathon runner. While there is the never say never attitude, I think distance running might be a time I experienced and it might not be something I keep in my future. There are other therapeutic things to do, there are other ways to exercise.
katie recently posted..Joy: Impact

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Mindy @ Just A One Girl Revolution September 27, 2017 at 11:04 am

Good luck on the 10 miler, my dear!!!

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Olivia September 27, 2017 at 5:55 am

Thanks for sharing your heart and how you came to this realization. Looking forward to hearing more of your journey. I found you via the LG Masterminds.

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Mindy @ Just A One Girl Revolution September 27, 2017 at 11:04 am

Thanks for popping over and commenting, Olivia! <3

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Stina October 5, 2017 at 2:19 pm

I was just thinking about you and wondering if you’d be here this weekend running. (So I figured I’d see if you’d posted about it. I’m not on the blog reading ball these days.)

It sounds to me like you made the right decision for your current season in life, and if you do decide to run in 2018, I’ll be there to cheer you on then! 🎉

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Mindy @ Just A One Girl Revolution October 6, 2017 at 12:49 pm

Thanks for the support, friend! <3

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